Tragic loss

My friend loved goats. I sent her goat photos from my travels.

This is a first I never wanted to have and one that knocked me flat for days and will take some time to process and be at peace with. 

One of my dearest friends was killed in a tragic accident, near her home on the Atlantic in the northeast.  It was not her fault and nothing she could have prevented but for not being in the wrong place at the wrong time. 

I’d never lost a close friend, and I am still stumbling over how to handle it with grace. Looking through the dozens of photos of goats I have sent her over the years made me smile and is why I added them to this blog.

I was notified of her passing by her very capable and compassionate daughter-in-law.  I knew neither what to say or do.  How do you acknowledge the death of a friend who has been with you through the birth of two children and a painful divorce, served as my youngest’s godmother, and shared all of life’s ups and downs?  Except when one of us was traveling for longer periods, we unfailingly spoke at least once a week.

We originally met when she volunteered for an event for the National Symphony Orchestra where I was in charge of volunteers.  It was in our early career years before either of us had children.  Over the next 8 years, we each welcomed two sons and brought meals to and supported one another in those confusing years of young motherhood.

One thing about a close friend is that you don’t run out of conversation topics.  You just talk because you care about everything in that person’s life, and you share openly with only a rare statement like, “I’m sure you’d never repeat this.”  Like a sister, you trust and you have compassion and understanding.  In our case, we had more than a 40-year history.

We once drove our four young sons to Manhattan where we attended a fancy political event before taking them to see The Lion King on Broadway when tickets were near impossible to obtain. Another time, she and I made a last minute trip to a friend’s party at Tavern on the Green in Central Park, celebrating the Westminster Dog Show.

One summer, with another good friend, we took a car trip to Vermont where we had many adventures including a flat tire.  Perhaps the most memorable was a visit to a goat farm where I learned that she loves goats.  In addition to enjoying the delicious cheese, the owners kindly let us visit with their adorable kids.  Since that trip, I take photographs of goats I encounter in my travels and send them to her. I will miss doing that.

She introduced me to a woman I ultimately worked for who changed the trajectory of my career in a very positive way.  We were both networkers and constantly shared contacts and included one another in opportunities to make new ones.  Because that is what friends do.

We often met for lunches and dinners apart from our families, and she and her family were guests in my home for several Easter and Thanksgiving celebrations.  She was very creative and one year made turkeys for each place setting and pilgrim hats for our children who were young enough that they obligingly wore them. We shared books and movie interests and always knew what the other was reading.

In the weeks since her passing, I have thought of many of our adventures and appreciated more than ever before the connection we had and the simplicity of our relationship.  If I didn’t hear from her for a few days, I would call and she did the same.  We knew one another’s medical challenges and encouraged one another to be strong while still listening to complaints because that is what friends do.  We’d stopped talking politics in the last few years as our views were less well aligned – although it didn’t affect our friendship at all. 

I can’t bear to delete her profile or phone number from my contacts; she is still one of my “favorites.”  How could I possibly change her status?  Because she will always be a favorite.

As I get older, I know that this will happen more often because we all have an expiration date.  Hers came up too soon at the hands of an incompetent truck driver.  I know that she is in heaven now, probably continuing to do the good deeds she constantly bestowed on those on earth.  Only now I believe she will be showered with the richness a life lived in service to others deserves.

I will miss you so much, dear friend.  Your husband and children will grieve for a long time to come.  Every time I see an article in the news that makes me think of you or take a goat photograph I think you would like, I will remember you fondly and be a little bit at a loss.

We made great memories and I appreciate, more than I ever have, the love and support we shared.